Working as a coach the most common issue my clients are faced with is feeling lost in the constant change and struggle with finding their space.
We are looking at the things around us; worrying about the things to come and trying to hold on to something that might give us the peace we so desperately seek. Change becomes our main problem and to solve it we try everything to slow things down or stop it completely.
From a different perspective, change is very important. Imagine you’re out of a job. If nothing changes you will be out of a job forever. We tend to look forward to change when things are not as we like them to be – but when things are good, we try to hold on to it and don’t want any change to happen. However, change is always happening and we can’t stop it!
Adopt a change of mind – and a change of direction
So, how can we find the happiness, fulfilment and freedom we seek so much in such an ever-changing world?
I guess the answer lies in the old saying:
- Love what you do.
- If you can’t love it, change it.
- If you can’t change it, love it.
Change is like the water in a river. The water always flows, you can’t stop that. But you can use the water to carve a new way and change the direction the river flows. The water becomes your tool. Let change be your tool to direct your life where you want it to go. Embrace it, love it.
Because change will always happen, the only choice you really have is to love it. Embrace change and make it a condition of your happiness, fulfilment and freedom. Be clear about where you want to go and use the water (change) to carve your way.
If your life is not what you want it to be, one thing is for sure: it’s going to change and you have the chance to decide on the direction you want it to go. Stop fighting change, but develop a way to direct the change.
Fight the fear. Relish the change
Very often change is accompanied by fear or excitement of the unknown future. In the case of fear, it seems to block us. And with excitement it, seems to propel us. Let’s take two scenarios:
- You just lost your job and you worry about your future. You ask yourself how to pay your bills, how to maintain your lifestyle and how to go on. This can be scary and make you freeze up completely. Now you start looking back: how great it was when you had a job, even though you actually hated it. The security constant becomes your main focus point. You are on a downward spiral and you want time to stop so you don’t sink any deeper.
- You just met the guy or girl of your life. You dream about the amazing time you will have with your newfound love. You are happy to change anything in your life just to make that dream come true. In your mind you see all the great things that might happen and you can’t wait for the change to happen. You are the happiest person in the world right now.
We already know that things are going to change. It doesn’t matter which scenario you take, it’s going to change. So what is the difference between the two? The only real difference is that in the second scenario you can’t wait for things to change, because you believe it is for the better.
You believe it is going to make you happy. You embrace the change. While in the first scenario you’re scared and change has become your enemy. Imagine what you could do if you could have the feeling of the second scenario in the first scenario? Imagine if you couldn’t wait to get a new job, to do the things you always wanted to do. And to look forward to all the great things to come.
Don’t try to stop time or avoid change. It is going to happen! But it is on you to decide in which direction change will go. Use the change, love it and embrace it!