“You talkin’ to me?” was a very famous question in the movie ‘The Godfather’ from 1974 and because of its context and the way it was said it became probably one of the most used phrases or questions in a long time. If you haven’t seen the movie, you should watch it and learn (the good stuff only!).
When I heard this question for the first time, I found it really funny, but after a while another question popped up: “Who am I actually talking to?” or better still “Who is listening?”
Listening is one of those things we can’t really stop doing. It’s not like shutting your eyes not to see anything, we can’t really shut our ears. That means we are constantly listening if we are aware of it or not.
So if we are talking to someone, we’re not only talking to them, but also to ourselves as we hear everything we say.
That really opens a complete new dimension of communication most of us are not aware of.
Mind your language
Nobody really likes people who are constantly complaining, bitching behind other people’s backs or talking like everything is bad and the world is coming down soon anyway.
If that is you, it is very likely that you can’t stand yourself. Because every time you bitch around, talk negative or complain, you’re the one listening!
Additionally we have something I call the “inner ear”. That is the ear which listens to your thoughts and your feelings. It’s constantly listening, picking up everything that goes through your mind including related or invoked feelings and emotions.
You talkin’ to me? I believe everybody who asks that question should answer “yes”. Because you are listening, whether you like it or not.
How can you deal with this?
First of all, become aware of the way you talk and what you are talking about.
Look into a mirror and say the things you like about yourself.
Recapture and describe the amazing moments in your life (Gratitude).
Start being nice to yourself and it will reflect in the way you feel, think and act.
That will be picked-up by your inner ear which magnifies the effect even more. It’s quite easy. Just be kind to yourself.
The best way I heard it described is: “Wish yourself and others well.”
It’s all about positivity
When you compliment someone on what they have done, you’re both listening. And you both see a nice person. It’s that easy.
You can watch the effect listening has on us anywhere today. Just look at all the people who are completely glued to their mobile devices, often oblivious to – or intent on blocking out – anything that’s happening around them. Even when crossing the road and a car is roaring towards them. I guess most of them are not aware of what they are actually doing some of the time.
But even for them, they can’t get around the inner ear, which constantly listens to their thoughts and feelings which, by that time, are fully controlled by the game they play, the movie they watch or the dialogue they’re locked into. It’s relentless and over time will have a huge impact on the way they think, talk and act.
Being in control
There is a lot you can do to not fall into that trap. The most important aspect is Awareness.
Be aware of your thoughts, your actions and reactions. This puts you in the chair and allows you to do something about it.
Watch your mouth and stop talking in a way you don’t want to be talked to.
Surround yourself with people who respect you and talk to you accordingly.
Listen to your inner ear and listen to the feelings you want to have.
It all starts with being aware and making small changes in the direction you decide on. Over time you will want to listen to yourself and so do others.
You talkin’ to me?